It’s rather intriguing but I can’t help feeling disconnected these days. Each time I’m out with people, it appears as if there is this vacuum between them and me. I stand cocooned, crafting my gestures and body language to insulate the chaos of thoughts which perennially occupy my mind. I live marooned in my own world, speaking a language that’s alien to others with no interpreter to break the code. I can’t relate to loose talk or plain friendly banter the way I did with pals at college. Every word and every action is now preceded by an intricate logical analysis. I have lost the urge to be impulsively adventurous, forgotten the exhilaration that accompanies spontaneity as I try to see reason in even the most trivial of all events.

I see myself becoming more judgmental each day, silently finding glaring faults in others though I know I myself have so many fads and foibles. I sometimes wonder if I have become too rational, when it could so much easier just living for here and now, each moment as an isolated entity, yet independent and complete in itself. I long to be the same experimental adolescent I once was, but I guess that phase is too far behind me now.

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2 comments on “

  1. Kerubino says:

    I really would like to help you, i almost think i can…You just need to talk to someone you can relate to, and ive always secretly believed that you can relate to me like no one else….LEt me know if youre free sometime, I can meet you, do lunch or better yet, since youre at fort, we can go for some Apple Pie at Yazdan’s.

  2. To wander lonely in a crowd, and see it through the crystal clarity of reason, is a thinker’s common malaise. It passes like the rest of life. Don’t be too worried, but then again being worried is part of the whole experience

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