It’s rather intriguing but I can’t help feeling disconnected these days. Each time I’m out with people, it appears as if there is this vacuum between them and me. I stand cocooned, crafting my gestures and body language to insulate the chaos of thoughts which perennially occupy my mind. I live marooned in my own world, speaking a language that’s alien to others with no interpreter to break the code. I can’t relate to loose talk or plain friendly banter the way I did with pals at college. Every word and every action is now preceded by an intricate logical analysis. I have lost the urge to be impulsively adventurous, forgotten the exhilaration that accompanies spontaneity as I try to see reason in even the most trivial of all events.
I see myself becoming more judgmental each day, silently finding glaring faults in others though I know I myself have so many fads and foibles. I sometimes wonder if I have become too rational, when it could so much easier just living for here and now, each moment as an isolated entity, yet independent and complete in itself. I long to be the same experimental adolescent I once was, but I guess that phase is too far behind me now.