Baring it

I don’t mind being vulnerable today. It’s one of those days when I wonder about the point of my writing journey. Here’s what triggered it: In the past week, I received updates about the poems and short stories I had sent to magazines and contests. None of them made the cut. A few more rejects to file away with the previous ones. So this is one of those days when I sit and sulk a little. Wondering what I could have done better, wondering if it’s worth the effort, wondering if I’m chasing an illusion.

Tonight is one of those days when I feel tiny and insignificant as a writer. One of those days when my mind has shut down, when my rationality has deserted me, when gloom seems to cover me in its shroud.

I know such phases come and go. This one will too. I only hope the rainbow appears soon enough.

I looked through my poetry folder for inspiration, something to cheer me up, even give me a rap on the head and pull me out of this downward spiral.

I found a poem I had written in June 2014.

A sky of sadness has woven itself around me.

I have tossed grain into the fields,
the harvest is yet to make an appearance.

Years have passed, I have sharpened my tools.
My works lie in a shed, dying unnoticed,
Life seeping out of them through their fingertips into the earth.

Outside, birds make music, and in the nights the city dances to life.
I have been grinding my way in this well,
and still I am neck-deep in the water.

The waters have been rising all the time.
From ankles to knees to the waist.

A rope dangles near me.
It has been here since I ventured into this well.
All I need to do is grab the end and help myself out.

But that would mean abandoning the masterpiece I am creating under the water.
That would mean accepting an easier life.

I have to stay here and finish what I set out to do.

If I am good enough, I might create something beautiful.

Till then I have to keep working in this well,
even if it gets deeper,
even if it gets darker.

This is my calling, this is my curse.



One thought on “Baring it

  1. thatmishmash says:

    i read this earlier , wasn’t ok myself to write, but came back to let you know that you are a wonderful writer . Your work is evocative and I’ve always admired the way you string together words to weave beautiful patterns . I think it’s natural to feel the way you are , but I also know that brilliance may not always get its due at the right time . With or without validation , you are a gifted writer . Stay blessed and keep writing !

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